All sorts of curdling...

Wow. I just found some milk in the fridge that went out of date on October 14th. Very alarmed that I hadn't noticed it until now. My first thoughts, upon spotting the offending carton, was that it was full of wee. My mind struggled for an explanation. Had someone filled a milk carton with wee as part of some kind of jolly stoned experiment, or as a stage in a complex plan to wriggle out of an incriminating drugs test? But no, further investigation showed that it was not wee. It was a whitey-green transparent water in a puffed out carton, with three inches of floaty, chunky matter at its base. Tossing it with horror into the bin, an ungodly odour filled the room. Febreze did not cover it. I had to run out to the communal bins in bare feet and pants, holding the hideous article at arm's length and hoping not to pass any neighbours. Must start paying attention to the fridge.

Anyway, from one vomit-inducing trauma to another - this morning I read an article in the Metro which almost induced a full-blown panic attack. Here it is: http://www.metro.co.uk/news/newsfocus/918145-courage-skill-and-no-holidays-what-it-takes-to-be-a-successful-freelancer 

Now, this is of personal relevance to me because after two comfortable years of full-time employment at a documentary production company, blindly wandering in and out of the office at the right times, doing what I'm told in the hours in-between, and then rejoicing when a gaggle of English pounds plops into my account every month, I'm being launched out of the office cannon into the freelance battlefield. This is not, as some thoughtless naysayers have said, "getting fired." My contract has merely been dramatically shortened due to an elective change of role. But I do get to spend my final months frolicking in the playful sandpit that is television development, rather than forcing my hopelessly disorganised brain to be an administrative production assistant, as it had been doing (very badly) beforehand.

I really haven't thought about how I will attempt being a freelance researcher. I figured I would go about it the same way I went about getting my first running jobs - sending a few amusingly self-deprecating but very enthusiastic emails to interesting-sounding companies, then wearing my 'lucky jacket' to interviews. But as a runner, all you really need to be is enthusiastic, and willing to take it up the arse from bossy media types. As a freelancer, you're selling a specific skill that is enough of a learned commodity to be worth paying a substantial amount of money for. And I'm not entirely sure I have enough faith in my skillset, which is essentially 'Googling, brain-storming and penning vaguely-amusing bits of copy' to pedal it pushily around the industry. Plus, it sounds like a lot of effort. Also, NO HOLIDAYS? What fresh hell?? I thought freelancing would be nearly ALL holidays! A couple of weeks of work here and there, sandwiched between thick slices of relaxing 'down time' to hone my Googling skills and fight off competing offers of work from C4 and the Beeb.

In reality, it's hard enough finding work in this current climate without having to KEEP finding little jobs over and over again. The job-seeking "pool" is no longer a peaceful ocean through which one swims relatively undisturbed, with one's hard-earned qualifications and glowing character on full display for savvy employers to admire before snaring you on their dangling hook. No, it rather resembles this insane swimming pool in China, where every garish rubber ring represents a degree or course that you foolishly thought would make you stand out.

Ho hum. I'm sure it will be okay and I won't end up in prison for accidental tax evation, or have to get a job in Greggs on Deptford High Street.